HecticHarmony

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Conversion Disorder by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Conversion Disorder

Freedom can be a beautiful thing Humans have a certain freedom To choose To speak To walk away But the mind is a powerful thing I am not free I fought trauma I fought abusive men off my body I fought the urge to drag razors across my skin I fought the need to put poison in my body I fought like hell to survive And now i am a prisoner of war My mind It holds my body hostage Hysterical neurosis Conversion disorder Decline of functionality Debility The dr uses words i do not understand I look down crying At my legs that will not move Positioned on pillows My arms that will not move Anchors, dead weight I look at him turning only my nec

An Open Letter To My Fiance' by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

An Open Letter To My Fiance'

I've always been well practiced In the art of shrinking, Deteriorating, Taking pride in my emptiness, Defining myself by my negative spaces; At least i had been, That is until I met you. Did you know that mother birds Chew their food and then throw it up To feed their young? It wasn't until I met you that I placed fingers down my throat and stopped To ask myself who I was trying to feed. I still remember the first time we made love, I was nothing but bones under skin and you commented That you were afraid of breaking me, And I realised that those spaces between my ribs Had not always been so empty. People always told me that I could neve

Puppeteer by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Puppeteer

Standing on a stage performing for all to see a painted smile, a perfect pose a longing to be seen. Pull her strings She will do anything for you her master puppeteer she'll act as she should everyday so maybe you will want her too. Strings on her heart strings on her mind "do just as I say or I'll leave you behind" A perfect doll for a master manipulator a disguise she didn't see tormented thoughts, a broken heart, and a longing to be free. An attempt do dance away left her crumpled on the ground he perched her back up on the stage then she knew that she was bound. Wondering how to live and dance without a puppeteer she made atte

Limitless by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Limitless

As sick and masochistic as it is, there is a rush in pushing your body to the limits. There is a high in knowing that you are defying nature to live on this much, to live on this little, to be shrinking, disappearing and to survive it. I wanted to see how long I could go, running on fumes. I wanted to find the bare minimum required to subsist. Food was a possible miscalculation of calories, a loss of certainty about your control over chaos, your control over yourself. The horrible possibility that you are taking more than you deserve. That's where I felt in control, I felt like I was breaking every biological, physical chemi

This and That by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

This and That

My best friend told me as well as my dad that the thing about struggling with an eating disorder is that "I've just found another way to hurt myself" and that's true. But it was never my intention. The thing is I personally constructed my own private hell, I made my body a prison, unaware of what I was doing. It's totally sick and completely irrational but I find myself thinking often in the back of my mind, that if I destroy enough of me there will only be good parts left. It took me a long time to realize that I was destroying the good things, and digging myself deeper into the hell I've learned to call home. I was left

A Little Bit Less of A Person by HecticHarmony, literature

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Conversion Disorder by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Conversion Disorder

An Open Letter To My Fiance' by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

An Open Letter To My Fiance'

Puppeteer by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Puppeteer

Limitless by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Limitless

This and That by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

This and That

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Conversion Disorder by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Conversion Disorder

Birthday Wishes by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Birthday Wishes

6 years old on my birthday I wished for a pony, and a ballerina tutu so my mother tells me. I looked happy in the picture. I never imagined my life would turn out this way When I was 6 and my teachers asked me who I wanted to be when I grew up I never would have replied Anorexic Borderline Manic depressive I never would have guessed that at 18 I would take a handful of pills to end the bullying or that at 19 I wouldn't have a place to call home. I would not have expected that at 21 My boyfriend would die with a gun in his mouth I wouldn't have believe someone back then if they told me I would cry in front of my favorite foods or that I

Anorexia by HecticHarmony, literature

Exoskeleton by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Exoskeleton

This place is a body. The walls are its bones or its skin, or both- an exoskeleton, like a crab has. A crab's shell is meant to keep it safe, to protect it from the world; it is made to keep things out. But this shell is meant to keep me in, to protect the world from me. And the halls are like tongues, fingers, toes, like so many appendages. Dislocated. And these rooms are the lungs- identical, swollen, polluted. This one is the stomach, churning its contents into something unrecognizable.

A Little Bit Less of A Person by HecticHarmony, literature

This and That by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

This and That

Limitless by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Limitless

This is Not a Tragedy by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

This is Not a Tragedy

When my life ends do not weep. My death is not the tragedy my life was. Ridden with anxiety I was stuck on the carousel of life kicking and screaming for a blind audience for deaf family for a mute God. Convinced by voices that i could fly I made the leap and now blissfully I am gone. Do not remember me I was a bad example a story told to often a soul left unloved i did nothing worth remembering, but remember this my death is not a tragedy. I'll never have to explain my razor kissed skin again. Never again will I have to drown my blood in alcohol. The nurses won't hold me down and force feed me pills anymore. No, this was not a tragedy,

Piece by Piece by HecticHarmony, literature

Literature

Piece by Piece

I told you I needed to purge and you told me to write so instead of swollen cheeks and blood shot eyes I'm spitting my food out on paper. I only ever really loved once you're twice now and that scares me to think you might go, like he did. He left in a casket but he took my life too. He and I had planned a life when he left, my white picket fence fell down, the sunflowers on the porch shriveled up, he left in a casket but he took my life too. You collected me up off the ground and built me a home in your arms you planted lilacs in my heart you haven't promised me a future yet, but you've given me a life. Piece by piece you stitched me ba

Psychosis by HecticHarmony, literature

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Anorexia by xxLayla, literature

Literature

Anorexia

Picture perfect How thin can you go? Up for a challenge? Painful and slow. Waiting it out Obsessed with forbidden Skip one more meal Keeping secrets hidden Insomnia increases Watching seconds tick Saying you're not hungry Denying you're sick Grinding teeth Vision wavering Tastes long forgotten You're still savoring Standing outside Feels so cold Approaching blackness Then legs fold Hospital bed Haven't awoken Tearing eyes Lives are broken

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Tarot Cards and Ribbons by almostlovers, literature

Literature

Tarot Cards and Ribbons

One day you'll get tired of being pushed away and look at the ground you've been standing on all this while and find that roots don't spread from the soles of your feet. You'll take steps into the not-so-close distance and I'll watch images of you fade from my vision when you realize nothing's kept you here all this time. I'll clutter telescopes near my window in the hopes of seeing you at night, but maybe meteors were only meant for instances and it's hopeless to try and keep things once they're gone. I'll be like a kid filled with misdirections and claw out images of strangers with your eyes, pointing out shadowed figur

letter to a bad emo poet by LukewarmLake, literature

Literature

letter to a bad emo poet

This world is full of hatred , nothin's sacred Everyone round me just getting sep-a-rat-ed, wasted Futile subjects gettin debated, but debatin' is just frustratin' So you get jaded , drugs get you elated , think you're alone, under-appreciated, But I got news for you bitch, just look around you, got the entire world at your fingertips , yet you lie out your lips , and say you got no friendships, and with no fellowships , what you gonna do now, faker? Go cry in the bathroom with a gun and a razor ? Hah, I think not, see theres a reason emos say that they happy outside, but broken on the inside Cuz they're not sad

Reborn by prettyflour, literature

Literature

Reborn

I am deliriously happy in my realistic wholesome dream I lay in fields of poppies and talk with the forget-me nots Little Secrets whispered back and forth, told me what your father did and I giggled, but was horrified inside by the thought... but can you hold the tulip's hand when she is feeling down? Mother says it is too late even for the sun. . . . . . . . . . All stand for the precious rose beauty in such silence. Oh glorious rose, teach me your poise, vivid colors and such You are of the utmost elegance and I bow to you. Green hand-like stems so fragile run through my coarse hair and I am filled with a nervous anticipation. As t

Nails by autogestion, literature

Literature

Nails

hit me if i dont give you want you want hit me if i make you angry hit me if i make your heart fall out of your chest i m not sure myself how we got to this point but you have my attention now an angel flying through a garden of darkness having eaten too many meals of nails i miss you when your light is not shining if our hearts both race in these fortunate moments i long for the day when they can both be filled to bursting

addicted by wordturner, literature

I'm a sunken ship with no treasure by prettyflour, literature

Literature

I'm a sunken ship with no treasure

standing next to the ocean makes me feel small the tide surrounds me, I can't resist it's call seal skin and a full moon collide at nightfall dove deep then surfaced to watch the dawn sun dance he stood upon the shore wrapped up in my trance against my magic he never stood a chance gave me time and love, it was enough, almost not enough to keep me away from the coast The sea is freedom, land-locked I'm just a ghost

Suicide by in-waves, literature

schizophrenia? by crooked-clockwork, literature

Literature

schizophrenia?

psychology defines schizophrenia as an impairing, delusional disorder borne in the person’s inexorable inability to tell right from wrong, hopeless fantasy from harsh reality, or even suspicion from acceptance but aspen is a lovely, flexible woman with names of imperial animal races that never belonged to them, with the countless colors of her eyes that she makes up with named numbers written in cursive sharpie on her palms she takes pills that seem to dampen & take away those charming things she always says to me; the voices don’t haunt or tease her, they’ve always respected the way she counted with willpower & the way sh

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Anorexia by HecticHarmony, literature

Anorexia

HecticHarmony

Deviation Spotlight

Chakra Stones by HecticHarmony, visual art

Chakra Stones

HecticHarmony

Deviation Spotlight

Nautical Fringe 2 by HecticHarmony, visual art

Nautical Fringe 2

HecticHarmony

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About HecticHarmony

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Artist // Hobbyist // Varied

Dec 27
United States
Deviant for 12 years
war-torn-and-collateral-damage.tumblr.com/
She / Her

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My Bio

Ya uhmm.. I'm 23 and a double major ( criminal justice and psychology)
I battle a lot mentally and emotionally so my work is somewhat dark on occasion, but I like it better than expressing it verbally in person; Art can't tell me I'm healing wrong. (:

As far as art, I do it all. I like editing pictures, I make Jewelry, I wire wrap, write, paint, draw, cake decorating, floral design and lots of paper crafts as well. I have to really be in the mood. Inspiration is always nice but if I go long periods without posting, well that's why.

This is my personal blog:
war-torn-and-collateral-damage…
I also have a recovery blog:
recovering-together.tumblr.com…

I am an open book and I love meeting new people and hearing ideas and thoughts!! So feel free to message or comment anytime love bugs!! I've been away for a while but I'm gonna start coming on here again, I miss this place.

Favourite Visual Artist

Amy Brown, Alexa Meade

Favourite Movies

Wristcutters: A love story, Crazy Beautiful, Pretty Woman, Lilo and stitch, Despicable Me, Walk the Line, The Prestige

Favourite TV Shows

Once Upon A Time, Blue Bloods, Private Practice, Orange Is The New Black, Elementary, The Cleaner, SKINS UK

Favourite Bands / Musical Artists

A day to remember, blink 182, rise against, You Me At Six, Bring Me the Horizon, Britt Nicole

Favourite Books

The Outsiders, Cut, Wasted, Crank, Clean, Divergent Trilogy, Where The Wild Things Are, Insulting and Depraved English, Abnormal Psychology

Favourite Writers

anyone who writes with a purpose, who has a story to tell more that just words to publish.

Tools of the Trade

drawing, painting, making jewelry, writting.

Other Interests

Tumblr, psychology, Beading, Cooking.

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HecticHarmony

May 23, 2018

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HecticHarmony

May 31, 2016

Melrose Bound- Day 9

0 min read

Day 9 Selfie (: Well I have a new roommate and she was up at 3am in the morning for some ungodly reason. So it wasn’t a lovely morning- I was quite tired. Since it’s a weekend ESL goes to cafeteria for all of the meals, it’s really stressful. Upstairs the staff have written out portions of everything (handful of pretzels is 1 bread, a spoonful of peanut butter is 1 fat) it’s overwhelming making my own food because I feel like I’m eating too much. It makes me feel really bad about myself like almost guilt and ashamed because I feel like I’m behind like I feel like I should be better by now and I’m n

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HecticHarmony

May 31, 2016

Melrose Bound- Day 8

0 min read

Today I had a rough start. I had severe chest pain that kept me from sleeping; I woke up with extremely low blood pressure, 80/42 and a heart rate of less than 60. I had problems standing up, let alone getting ready and was dizzy for most of the morning. It was my first full day in ESL and it’s kind of different. I noticed that a lot of them say “the eating disorder” not “my eating disorder” like it’s separate from us. Maybe it is, I don’t know. They talk about being able to differentiate between “the eating disorders voice” and their own thoughts. It would be really lovely to be at that